Nighttime Hosts Take Aim At Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Immigration Plan

TV's leading hosts spent their airtime mocking ex-President Donald Trump's newly announced immigration initiative, labeled the "gold card," portraying it as a blatant cash-for-residency scheme for the affluent.

The Late Show's Witty Take

Starting his show, Stephen Colbert offered a satirical holiday tune directed at the commander-in-chief. "He is compiling a list, reviewing it twice, and then handing that list to the agents at ICE," he crooned. "Donald Trump ... destroys all he handles."

The focus was the new initiative which enables international citizens to buy U.S. legal status for the price of a million dollars, or "premium" version for 5 million. The program's portal promises approval "faster than ever."

"A quick note here to affluent applicants: before you pay, have you considered Canada?" Colbert joked.

He explained that the card is also intended to "get cash" from companies wanting to hire skilled workers, involving large fees. "That is a lot of fees, though if you enroll, you also get free accommodation at a property of your selection – if it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he added.

"The best vetting the U.S. government has before done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to verify these applicants truly are eligible to be in America."

"That is important, you have to prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert responded. "Question one: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Commentary

On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the visa program the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"This is a card that will let affluent international individuals to live here," he said. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get official resident status, you get a road to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one major crime of your choice."

"It might be time to update that message on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your poor masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel mocked the lack of detail of the form, noting it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"Indeed, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "It's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Grocery Issues

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's declining poll ratings amid financial worries. "The public gave Donald Trump a another term since they were upset about the economy," he said.

This week, in a effort to tackle affordability, Trump conducted a press conference in front of a display of food items, where he reacted peculiarly to boxes of cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take some of them with me to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a ages."

"He is so fucking weird," Meyers said. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by targeting conservative news coverage of Trump's financial performance. "Maybe rather than complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to the one FIFA did," he laughed.